February 09, 2015 |
"you would think it were the opposite, right? exo and endo?"

"i think it comes from the latin. to excavate."

"oh," she blushes, "it's been a while since we had to do surgical rounds."

probably this type of office, the kind of insurance i have—she's not used to having patients correct her.

"i think this is a very clear case of post-traumatic stress," she says.

i am only here to take buspar, and nothing else. it's an older drug, not a first line for this sort of thing, but from what i gather by trusted sources (wikipeda) as opposed to untrusted sources (every doctor on the planet), it has no downsides that would stop me from taking it. the only issue with it is a very probable complete lack of effectiveness, but it's worth a try before resorting to effectively castrating me by way of neurotransmitters.

"wait, is this about suboxone?" [opioid withdrawal]

"i've never even heard of that. i was going to ask for buspar."

her expression instantly turns lighthearted, and she half-rolls her eyes at me.

"oh, barry. buspar is mild. i give buspar out as an add-on to other drugs."

"so what do you recommend?"

"remeron."

what is this sorcery; a psychiatrist knowing about drugs that i do not?

"and this is an SSRI?"

"it's a newer one. it doesn't have the sexual side effects. it's what they give you in the hospital when you're sick and need to get better. you'll feel better and sleep better."

"and the downside?"

"you'll gain about five pounds."

even one pound is unacceptable.

"barry, it takes courage to get better."

oh, i don't need you to tell me about courage. i know all about courage. i battled with a metal octopus for two years—you just write prescriptions all day.

"i read this book, um... the mood cure? i tried supplements, st. john's wort, 5-htp..."

she shakes her head vivaciously.

"no, no, no, barry. natural methods are not going to work for you. your condition is too serious. i can't believe you've waited this long."

i see exactly what's going on here. the pharmaceutical companies have already gotten to you.

"i really have to get going, i have to be out of here by 5."

oh, right, i forgot. american healthcare system.

"try these and come back in two weeks."

she lets me try my precious buspar for anxiety, and gives me another drug, trazodone, for sleep. the trazodone affords me my first full-night's sleep in weeks. the buspar immediately gives me heart palpitations, such that it is conveyed i shall not be taking another one of these.

fine, body, this is what you want? an antidepressant that's also an appetite stimulant? after we lost all that weight and kept it off for so long? alright then, that's what you'll get. i tried to save you. don't come crying to me when you're hungry and i won't feed you.

© barry reinschreiber