i'm drunk again, alone in my room, next to my otters. i need help. my chest is in four pieces. help me. four pieces. i feel them. help me. yesterday i went to "a touch of beauty" in the northridge mall and purchased epicuren fine herbal scrub, despite the fact that on two separate, previous occasions i purchased extra fine citrus scrub and the microderm cream. for aging skin. help me. i'm drunk. please help me. i need to go back to germany. that's how i can end this. but he neglected to tell me that while yes, he said he would do it for free, the hospital would not. six thousand five hundred dollars. god damn it. i'm drunk again. i've wanted to write so badly, but there is nothing. i am empty. help me. at the same time i am weaker and stronger than ever. help me. the things that make me weak, are also the things that make me strong. i need help. i have to go back. i wish i were drunker. i can't stop drinking. i can go back and do it again. all of it, all over again.

i'm also learning to method shave. second quadrant shaving hell, every morning. charles told me that my skin care regimen is burning off the acid mantle of my skin. four pieces. help me.

i will miss this time, when there was still hope.