March 02, 2009 |
my new roommate is 38, his name is alex, and he speaks english well, so now he's my unofficial translator. i want an american bed with american pillows. everything you thought you knew about german ingenuity was wrong. i demanded a third pillow and the nurse scoffed. it's this giant tower of pillows but utterly deceiving. it won't work. i want mexican food. i plan to be wheeled into the operating room shouting "U! S! A! U! S! A! U! S! A!" i'm going to try and get the hospital staff to join in. for the next two weeks it looks as if i will only be eating bread and fake butter. my surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. my consultation with professor schaarschmidt consisted of me mostly complaining about the food, the pillows, and the bed. oh, and by the way, save my life. and please find me an american pillow. apparently, the former is easier than the latter. he said every time he had visited the states he had mostly been concerned with watching surgery theatre and hadn't thought to look at the beds. i told him about the cybertronic-hyper-megatron 4000 hospital bed, complete with actual pillows. pillows are supposed to support your neck. get me the fuck out of here. i teased him that they needed to catch up. he said next time he would check out the beds and we both laughed.
© barry reinschreiber