December 21, 2009 |
"do you remember the first thing you said to me after the surgery?"

he shook his head, no.

"i have a memory. i want to know if this actually happened."

"all right."

"you said, 'i fixed it.'"


"and i said, 'fuck you.'"

"yes, yes! that's it."

i took his hand and held it affectionately.

"fuck you. fuck you. you were wrong."

"i was wrong."

"and i was right."

"you were right."

"fuck you."

* * *

"is this the IMC [ICU]?"

"this is children's. IMC is full."

thank fuck for that.

"do you want this?"

otter3 leapt from my bag high into the air in her hands. he had been scurrying to the top the whole time, i'm certain.


he rests silently on my crotch, protecting against possible threats. there have been times where disputes involving a language barrier can be resolved simply by shaking him at the offending german and having him go, "ouahghghgttt!!!!!" the offending german laughs and then leaves me alone. leaving them home last time was a horrible mistake. forgive me, otters.

* * *

the lead nurse of the ward came through our room with what looked like a tour.

"...and this is mr. reinschreiber, from canada."

"no, no, no, no!!! america! america!"

she laughed and corrected herself.

"this is a huge insult, isn't it?" asked one of the tour-goers.

"yes, it is."

now, every time she introduces me, she always tells that story and calls me "mr. reinschreiber, america! america!"

* * *

"ahhhh! ahhhhh! haaaaaaaaa, haaaaaaaaa, haaaaaaaaaaaa, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"

she just kept saying, "it's good, it's good!"

"haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" haaa....huh.....huh..."

my nurse and i, when she didn't give me any warning about taking the catheter out of my penis. afterward, she pulled out underwear from my bag and helped my put it on. my underwear. the sheep whose fiber currently cups my ass, may you live a long life of kings.

* * *

my roommate in the ICU is a fourteen year old boy. i don't want this to sound, uh, weird or anything, but he is beautiful. i want to say to his parents, you have a beautiful young boy. he is everything i want to be but never again can. but he is also too slow, too small, too weak, too dumb. i am bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, better. even disabled, i can take him. i am here alone. everything i've been through, comes with me.

© barry reinschreiber